More Difficult Than I Thought

This past week has proven to be very difficult for me. As I started sorting through boxes in my POD, memories started flooding my mind. The things people have given to me as gifts for my home. The pans I cooked wonderful meals in for my family and friends. The fireplace accessories that helped provide warmth in the winter. The furniture and appliances I worked so hard for and paid with cash, yet I’m selling.

I know they are just things, and things can be replaced, but this is hard. Really hard.

I had a meltdown Monday night when I went to bed, after seeing my stuff for the first time in two years and imagining how I was going to let it all go.

I had a meltdown Wednesday night, sitting in the middle of my POD, because my Dad and I had an argument. Sometimes I don’t think he realizes that I am doing this all for him. It’s hard to have an aging parent… A parent who is disabled… A parent that needs me now more than I need him…

I had a meltdown Saturday morning, because my Mom and I had an argument.  She is mad that my POD is sitting in the driveway.  She is mad that I've decided to sell all my stuff right now (which puts a dent in her calendar, but yet we've been talking about this week for months now).  She doesn't understand.  Yet, if I moved away right now, she would miss me and the things I do for her and my Dad.  She was mad at my Dad who had fallen while we were cooking breakfast Saturday morning.  I was mad at her for not caring as much about it as she should.

I had a meltdown Saturday night, because after listing by belongings on Craigslist earlier in the week, I had not had any hits on my furniture. Well, I say no hits - they weren’t “true” hits. Lots of spammers out there. (By the way, have you ever used Craigslist? Yes, it is a wonderful thing because lots of your belongings can be sold; but it’s another thing when someone tells you they are going to buy it, then never shows up. A complete waste of my time. And, it’s worse than a garage sale with people asking you to go down on your price. At least it is through e-mail and not face to face.)

This is difficult.  I've prayed about this moment and truly believe I'm doing what the Lord told me to do, yet I am getting no support from my parents.  Just being honest here.

So, I guess I'll continue to unpack the POD and sell what I can.  I'll continue to get ready for this massive garage sale we are supposed to have this weekend, yet the city has closed the road leading to our housing addition (really?  of all weekends...)  I'll continue to help my parents do things around the house, even though I am feeling underappreciated and unwelcomed at the moment.  I'll continue to follow God's plan for my life, even though I don't quite understand right now.

In many, many ways, this has been more difficult than I ever thought...