Mid-Life Crisis

A few weeks ago, I was able to go to the sunny beaches of Boca Raton, Florida all by myself.  I will confess…this was not easy for me to do.  I had been on a few work trips by myself, but never a “vacation”, per se.  My friend who owns the condo that I stayed in was able to meet me there, but only for 1 night.  We had such a great time in the 24 hours that we were able to spend together.  She is so much fun to be around and I’m thankful for the friendship we have developed.

I arrived late on Saturday night, and she was at the condo waiting for me.  Neither she or I had eaten, so we quickly drove up the street to get a bite to eat.  It was late when we got back, so we both went to bed, and the next morning we got up and went to the beach.  It was a gorgeous day that day – the sun was brightly shining and by 11 am, the temperature was already a balmy 88 degrees.  We took our lounge chairs and just talked for hours, until it was time for us to head back to the condo so she could get ready to head to the airport.

It was a bittersweet moment, because I was so excited to have her there with me, but as soon as she walked out the front door and I turned around to an empty condo, my heart sunk and I just started crying.  I couldn’t believe I had done this.  I couldn’t believe I was about to have a whole week to myself in a city that I had never been to before.

I spent nearly every day at the beach that week, except for the few days I drove up to Orlando and spent at Disney World (which was a whole lot of fun all by itself – and all by myself!)  Here are a few pics I took:

The Condo Complex	My “ride” for the week
The BEACH!	Most days, there were just a handful of people
Me relaxing…	At the pool
Disney Snack	Getting ready for fireworks

I never get tired of being at the beach.  It was so calm and relaxing, and it just gave me a lot of time to think.

I thought about where I am in my life right now.  I never imagined that I would be almost 36, not married and still living at home.  I’ve asked myself a lot of questions this past month.  Am I happy with my job?  If the opportunity presented itself in a different state, would I take it?  Am I happy living at home?  Maybe the apartment life isn’t so bad.  After all, it’s an experience I have not had.  And yes, I know the interest rates are really low right now, but for me personally, I am not in the financial position that I want to be in to purchase a home.  What have I not done that I’d like to?  Dancing lessons?  Absolutely!  Travel to a different country?  Why, YES!

And it’s after I ask myself these questions that I realize – I’ve become too independent.  But, have I become so independent that I’m missing out on the chance of marriage?

I’ve really been struggling with this since my return from Florida.  My friends tell me it’s a phase I’m going through – to not do anything too irrational.  Then I have some other friends that have told me “yes, you are too independent”.  One friend went as far to tell me that I would probably never get married at the rate I’m going – I’m too happy, carefree, and…independent.

I’ve spent many nights awake, wondering what I can do to change.  But, I also fully believe we should never live a life of regrets.  Why would I not travel, go to concerts, go to plays, go shopping?

And aren’t there a few good men out there that actually like an independent woman?

I’m so torn right now.  I have a ton of unanswered questions.  And I’m pretty sure I’m going through a mid-life crisis.

Do you ever think about just getting in your car and driving it as far as it will take you?  If only life gave me that opportunity…