Memorial Day Weekend

Do you remember me writing about building a deck and pergola in our backyard last year? Well, unfortunately the pergola has proven it cannot sustain the Oklahoma winds and at the beginning of this spring, it started leaning ever so slightly. As we’ve had more storms come through the metro, the pergola had started leaning more, even though we had staked it down with some rope and string.

As Memorial Day Weekend was approaching, I started asking people what we should do to salvage the pergola and not let it be a complete waste. Well, after speaking with numerous people, including a really nice Home Depot employee, my fears were confirmed. We were going to have to take it down and rebuild it stronger.

We got started on Friday night and it didn’t take long for it to come down. In fact, I was worried about the weight of the top, but it didn’t seem so bad once we got it down. We spent all day Saturday making the adjustments to the pergola, always seeming to take one step forward and two steps back. When we were finally ready to put the top back on, we were already tired, but we thought we could do it.

We all took our places, but low and behold, we didn’t have enough strength to put the top back on and it fell to the ground. As I was standing on the ladder, having used all the energy within me to put the pergola back together, I started crying. I just cried and cried and cried. And it wasn’t that I was crying because we couldn’t get it up. I cried because I was mad at God. Mad that my Dad can’t help with things like this anymore. Mad that I don’t have a husband who could help.

For the next 20 minutes, I just leaned against the side of the house and wept. I was so angry. I was so hurt. In the meantime, my Mom called my Uncle and he and the kids were able to come over and help us put it back together. We ended up having to run to the hardware store, and on the way there, my Uncle could tell that something was bothering me. I proceeded to tell him that I had just cried my eyes out and the reason for doing so. He then told me that he understood and that it was okay to cry.

He was right. Sometimes it’s just okay to cry. And while we may have a reason for doing so, sometimes there isn’t a reason.

Just let me cry

Hilary Weeks

I believe that everything happens for a reason

We’re not just tossed by the wind, or left in the hands of fate

But sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected

And we’re forced to face our deepest pain.

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under

I dig my heels in deep, and I fight to keep my ground

Still, at times the hurt inside grows stronger

And there’s nothing I can do but let it out

Just let me cry

I know it’s hard to see

But the pain I feel isn’t going away today

Just let me cry

Til every tear has fallen

Don’t ask when and don’t ask why

Just let me cry.

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me

I understood that there would be a chance that it would break

But I know He knows exactly how I’m feeling

And I know in time He’ll take the pain away.

But for now…

Just let me cry

I know it’s hard to see

But the pain I feel isn’t going away today

Just let me cry

Til every tear has fallen

Don’t ask when and don’t ask why

Just let me cry.

I have felt joy, the kind that makes my heart want to sing.

And so my tears are not a surrender, I’ll feel that way again.

But for now…

For this moment…

Just let me cry

I know it’s hard to see

But the pain I feel isn’t going away today

Just let me cry

Til every tear has fallen

Don’t ask when and don’t ask why

Just let me cry.

I believe that everything happens for a reason…