Taking Criticism

Today I was faced with a dilemma…a totally, unexpected criticism.  You know…the kind that you need to hear, but someone has to tell you?

I relate criticism to when I sing in church.  If the Music Minister (who is a friend of mine) wants to criticize me on how I sing, I’m okay with that.  Because he knows better.  But if a visitor of the church would criticize me or my song, I probably wouldn’t take it very well because I don’t know him or her and I don’t know what their background is.

It’s the same in everyday life.  I am welcome to criticism from my friends, but not complete strangers.

However, it was a friend who criticized me today.  A friend that I have a lot of respect for.  A friend that I admire.  A friend that can usually tell me anything and knows in advance what my reaction will be.

I woke up this morning with my feelings on my shoulder.  You know, the kind of feelings that can make you cry at the drop of a hat.  So all day, I dealt with the feeling that if I started to cry, I knew there was no stopping.  So all day, I fought back the tears.

In the last month, I’ve been asked by two different people if I had any wish that could be granted, what would I wish for?  What are my deepest desires?

The first person that asked me that, I said that I wanted to be married, maybe have a kid (or none), grow in the Lord every day and be the person that He wants me to be.

The second person that asked me that, I said that I would take my Dad’s disease away, and that my Mom wouldn’t be so dependent on me, and I can move away from home and get my own house.

The problem with these two answers – one was to a Christian; the other a non-Christian.

Did I know that when I answered the questions?  Yes I did.  Because you know the Christian is going to understand my first answer, where a non-Christian probably wouldn’t.

And that is where I got slapped in the face.  Just yesterday, our Pastor preached on being unashamed of the gospel.  And it’s not that I’m unashamed by my answers, and not that I don’t wish for both of those things, it’s just the first answer is my truest answer and I should have answered that way to the non-Christian.

And maybe that is why I ended up being criticized from this person today.

I have known this person for 10 plus years.  This person knows the kind of person I was 10 years ago.  And knows the kind of person I am today.  There are differences in those years.  I admit, I am a different person now than I was 10 years ago.  It’s amazing how much you grow in a short period of time.  But, I think it also comes with growing up.  Getting older.  And as much as I hate getting older, I also welcome it, because I know I’m becoming wiser.

In the last 10 years, I’ve built a wall.  A wall that is very hard to knock down.  A barrier that keeps me from enjoying things and people.  A barrier that keeps me from my God.

Isaiah 59:1-2 (HCSB)

Indeed, the Lord’s hand is not too short to save, and His ear is not too deaf to hear.  But your iniquities have built barriers between you and your God, and your sins have made Him hide His face from you so that He does not listen.

The criticism I received today was about that wall and barrier.  The one I need to break down.  I found myself on my hands and knees today, begging God for forgiveness and helping me to break down those barriers.  And thanking him for my friend – the one who showed me the way.

Psalm 18:28-30 (HCSB)

Lord, You light my lamp; my God illuminates my darkness.  With You I can attack a barrier, and with my God I can leap over a wall.  God – His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is pure.  He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.

In Him, I can break down these barriers and leap over the wall.  I need more guidance now than I ever have before.  It will definitely be an adjustment, but “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.

I would covet your prayers during this time.  I have so much learning and loving to do.

Also, I want to clarify something today just as I did with my friend.  When I say I want to be married, I don’t mean just for the sake of being married.  I mean that I want a real, true everlasting love.  A love that exemplifies the love that Christ has for His people.  A love that can only be given by God.  I want to love and marry my best friend.  One that allows me to grow in Christ along with him.  One that loves Jesus with all his heart, soul and mind.  One that has a passion for Christ.  One that I can spend the rest of my life with.

That’s what marriage is.

And yes, I have the love bug really bad.