Tough Week

It's been a tough week. Seriously. It didn't start out well, and has seemed to just spiral down since Monday. It's really hard to smile on the outside when you're deeply hurting on the inside. It isn't anything anyone did...or said. I'm going to be honest with you here...

Years ago, when I was 16, I was diagnosed with PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I will spare you the details about PCOS (you can google it if you would like), but its not fun. You would have thought I was used to having it by now, but I'm not. It is this reason that I was told years ago that I could not have kids. But, I know we have a loving and faithful Father that answers prayers and provides for miracles. I've been telling myself for years now that I didn't want to have kids, but I also think it is my way of hiding the fact that I may not be able to have them, so it's just better to think of my life without them than with them.

For about 13 years now, I have been seeing a wonderful Endocronologist to help me with the PCOS. I had an appt with her on Monday and unfortunately, instead of getting better with the medication I've been on, I am getting worse. The symptoms are ever so present - they are causing pain and I can tell I am showing more signs of the ever present depression. This also means the thought of having kids is disappearing in that long tunnel.

I am not looking for sympathy here. I am not looking for sadness on my behalf. I am seeking your help...your prayers. I've got a tough couple of months ahead of me. Medication changes. More doctor's visits. More depression to fight through. But, I know with His help, ALL things are possible...